Nestled in the English countryside, just outside the small, historical village Thorpe, is a theme park by the same name: Thorpe Park. Purveyor of the thrills without the spills, a fine selection of junk food and a kiddie-happy atmosphere since 1979, Thorpe Park is currently Britain’s second most-popular theme park, with 1.7 million visitors last year alone. That just about numbers the same as annual visitors to the Kruger National Park, which is almost 9000 times bigger.

Arriving at around 10:30am on a Sunday, a sizeable queue had already formed at the entrance. Buying a ticket for entry was painless and took about 20 minutes. On to the Park! Wisely skipping breakfast we made straight for the infamous Stealth rollercoaster, an intimidating behemoth that launches riders to 128km/h in 2.3 seconds flat. 5 seconds later you feel like you’re on top of the world at 62m, and that’s when you realise what goes up, must come down!

Clutching at chests and somewhat dizzy from the spine-jangling experience on the Stealth, we dizzily meandered towards the Nemesis Inferno. It’s based on an active volcano, and is the only inverted rollercoaster at the Park. It’s also the only inverted ‘coaster to feature two interlocking corkscrews. While this was a fun ride, it really only served the purpose of preparing us for the next big one, which we knew we’d find in Thorpe’s ‘Lost City’ area.

With the screams and whoops of happy people comprising our auditory surroundings, we anxiously got on with it. The Colossus was the next coaster on the list. More like the Colossal wait! Eventually we climbed into seats at the very front and the two hour wait turned out to be well worth it. The Colossus is the only ‘coaster in the world to feature ten loops, or to be more exact, a vertical loop, a cobra roll, two corkscrews and five ‘heart line’ twists. Amazing stuff!

At around 3pm we discovered Fastrack. It’s a priority queuing system where you can pay £3 per ride (£4 for Stealth), which entitles you to skip the main queues altogether. The average Fastrack waiting time is a quarter of the specified time, so doing the rest of the Park was a breeze. The whole park is split up over eight distinctive areas, and has something for every age. Read the SA Promo Ride Rater to learn more about the park!

SA PROMO RATINGS:

STEALTH
OVERALL: Slightly terrorinducing, but great views of the
English country side when 60m high!
SPEED: Absolutely insane. 0-128km/h in 2.3 seconds!
FIRST DATE: Only if he/she likes energy bars on toast. Or likes to base jump from power lines.
CHUNDER FACTOR: So fast, chunder is forced back from whence it came.

COLOSSUS
OVERALL: By far the most thrilling ride Thorpe Park has to offer.
SPEED: Hold on to your hats! 4.5 G’s of force on hand.
FIRST DATE: Definitely. Great potential because of the scare/thrill factor!
CHUNDER FACTOR: A wonderfully thrilling ride, don’t eat just before it.

NEMISIS INFERNO
OVERALL: Inverted ‘coasters are always fun. This one will take you for one loopy, twisty ride!
SPEED: Too twisty for excessive speed, but lots of G forces.
FIRST DATE: Like watching Indiana Jones together. In a Harrier Jump Jet!
CHUNDER FACTOR: Slightly stomach churning.

NO WAY OUT
OVERALL: It takes you backwards in the pitch black. Boring, unless you have a date.
SPEED: Average. Moving backwards makes it better.
FIRST DATE: There is no better ride on Earth on which to sneak a smooch!
CHUNDER FACTOR: Only if boredom makes you ill (or first dates).

SAMURAI
OVERALL: The sensation of getting thrown around by a giant invisible hand is always fun!
SPEED: Very skittish and difficult to predict, very fast at times.
FIRST DATE: For the romantic risk taker.
CHUNDER FACTOR: Definitely not for the queasy.

TEACUPS
OVERALL: A funfair favourite, the Teacups are fair game for young and old.    
SPEED: Depends on how fast you spin yourself!
FIRST DATE: Might bring about awkward moment while staring at each other dizzily.
CHUNDER FACTOR: Real potential to start chunder chain reaction if ride not stopped!