“Anxiety and excitement in 2011” by Toni Francis

It’s the New Year!! 2011! How? Where has time gone? Seriously!?
I know where it’s gone- into wasted moments vegging on the couch in front of the television, many wasted hours on Facebook updating statuses, creeping on friend’s pictures; moments spent drunkenly complaining about how hard life is to my best girlfriends, and days and weeks spent daydreaming about a fabulous, highly paid, jet setting career, whilst counting down the hours till the end of the work day.
Oh wasted moments, how you haunt me now as I reflect on my life in 2010! Is this what they call “the blues”? The New Years “blues” perhaps?
 
I cringe now when I think about the “List of Goals 2010” that I have pasted up against a wall in my bedroom, with the boxes placed strategically next to each goal, a daily reminder of the anticipated checkmark. Many of those boxes haunt me now, taunting me, particularly the “lose weight” and “save money” and “learn a new language”.  I try to justify to myself the reasons for not meeting certain goals, try to comfort myself as I realise that I keep setting the same goals year after year.
It’s a bad economy; the job market sucks; unhealthy food is cheaper; life is hard so eat chocolate to cope; stupid car problems sucked up all of my savings, and “môre is nog 'n dag”.
I spent this past year in a constant state of anticipation and anxiety... “Am I going to get into school? Is that company going to call me back for an interview? Did I get a good grade on my LSATs?” The list goes on and on. Life happened to me in 2010, I certainly did not happen to it, because in those moments of waiting in anticipation, I lost sight of living in the moment and enjoying my life. I prioritised less, spending time with family and friends and touching base with those back home; and more on worrying about the future and things I didn’t really have a lot of control over. I lost sight of enjoying just being.
Granted, there were many boxes checked off, many goals reached this year which I’m pretty chuffed about, but I’m guilty of prioritising certain selfish goals over more noble ones like, being a better person (which I left ambiguously unchecked) and donating more money; mentoring a young woman; volunteering at my church food bank; developing my spirituality, and regularly keep in touch with my family and friends.
I don’t recommend chucking the practice of making New Year’s goals. No, not at all, because setting goals, realistic ones at least, makes you accountable to yourself and gives you something to strive for. Rather, I suggest that we prioritise selfless and altruistic goals, because really, does it matter if you quit smoking or lose 10 kgs when you have no one there to encourage you along the way, or celebrate with when you achieve that final goal?
As I look forward to 2011 I feel slight anxiety at the possibilities and potential challenges I’ll face this year. But as in the past, I know I’ll be able to count on my family and friends to support me through it, and I’ve made a commitment that in 2011 at the top of my list, will be, “be a better person” and “regularly keep in touch with family and friends” because in comparison, none of the other goals matter.

Toni Francis
www.musingsandmoans.com